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Recently my partner and I journeyed (through the use of mushrooms), and it was a truly amazing experience. It’s almost impossible to put into words, but the ones that kept coming to mind afterwards were ‘cosmic’ and ‘pure’.

I entered a place beyond time and space. I was no longer confined by my physical body, or the boundaries of time - I experienced what seemed like lifetimes of being raw, cosmic energy. I ceased to be bound - caged by my physical form, by the attachments of my ego, or by the stories or worries that plague everyday life.

What was strange was that I would flip between being in this cosmic state, and then returning to my physical body, being somewhat lucid, but not wholly present. It felt like I was connecting to my infinite, raw state where nothing mattered and I just was, and then coming back to this physical state where things had value. As though the two were attempting to reconnect with each other and in the experience co-exist - each reminding the other of something that had been forgotten by both respectively: my physical self understanding that I am the universe given physical form, and my cosmic self appreciating that it’s through physical form that things have value.

In a cosmic state nothing matters - time and space doesn’t exist, so the troubles and mundanity of life become insignificant. But, in my physical state I get to experience value - things having significance. I understood that the only things that matter are those we choose to give value to. It was the physical state experiencing what it is like not to exist in time or space, where nothing matters, and the cosmic state existing in time and space, where matter has value. And having sex was the two co-experiencing simultaneously. The cosmic self choosing to let things matter and experience value through the physical self. Life is the opportunity to experience value, through choice.

It felt like I understood that this physical vessel is an inadequate tool to fully express my cosmic self - it’s like a funnel that exports/emits just a fraction of what really exists within me. I couldn’t articulate what it was that I knew intrinsically - like my physical being couldn’t express my cosmic being. I wanted to communicate explicitly what I was experiencing, what I knew implicitly, but lacked to capacity to do so.

The reality I experience every day became distorted - what I saw began to bend, and I could see fractals with rainbows around everything. This leads to the interesting question of what is real, how do we define real? Reality is just the experience of the world through the senses - but this body is limited, this tool is primitive to what it can experience compared to what is actually there. It’s a filtered version of purity.

The sex was amazing. The cosmic body and physical body existing simultaneously to experience each other, and simultaneously another being. I felt I existed in my partner - like I was connecting to a part of myself that existed within her. Our cosmic beings finding each other through our physical beings. It felt like I was enjoying the physical between us, but existing beyond that, with and through her.

This was a significant experience for me, as someone who has consciously opted to abstain from substances, including smoking and alcohol. Having always been teetotal, the decision to partake wasn't taken lightly - I mused over it over several days, and sought guidance from my teachers and my partner, all of whom had had experiences themselves. Upon reflection, I've realised that my attachment/association/belief surrounding 'drugs' is that they're used in an abusive manner - people's use of alcohol and drugs (socially), in my experience, is often a misuse, or as an extreme to fuel escapism or unhealthy intentions. And this is what shaped my apprehension - that by partaking I'd, by default, become someone I wasn't/didn't want to be.

But after being reminded that the mushrooms are natural rather than man-made, and that they can be taken medicinally, but more importantly, ceremonially, I remembered that over the last year or so I've had the opportunity to partake in cacao and tobacco ceremonies, facilitated by people who truly appreciated and respected what was being shared. I reasoned with myself that if practiced with the same intention, then the same could be true for this experience, and I wouldn't need to see myself as doing something unhealthy. So my partner and I decided upon an appropriate evening, and made it a very intimate, safe, and considered trip, rather than a whimsical, mindless one. And I'm so glad we did, as it was a beautiful thing to experience together, and because it's definitely opened my eye...

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