Awareness gives me the power of discernment, and so the capacity for choice - to witness how life has unfolded in front of me, to judge whether it is desirable, and to choose whether or not to flow with it.
In a state of ignorance I automatically flowed with it, incapable of judging whether it was good or bad for me (ie whether it would diminish my suffering or add to it).
The consequence of awareness of Self is now the temptation to ask ‘what do I want?’ - but is this not the wrong question, as it’s putting the Ego self first? It’s an understandable inclination to have, given the awareness of Self, but ultimately is it not folly, as the Self is derived from a sense of separation?
With an acceptance of Self, but not a need to indulge it, the question then becomes, ‘will this make life better?’ - this is instead inviting alignment with the flow of life unfolding, towards the diminishment of unnecessary suffering, moving closer to a state of bliss.
When blind to limitations I go with the flow of life unfolding unquestioningly. When aware of limitations, I begin to make decisions of whether I want to go with the flow or not, but am still limited by a sense of ‘I want’. When aware of limitations but not limited by them I accept the natural flow unfolding and discern how to flow with it in a way that minimises unnecessary suffering (for all those involved, not just for myself) rather than adding to it.
The problem is you need to train yourself to be self aware. This isn’t easy, as we act automatically - unconscious programming runs the show. So we need to slow things down. We need to consciously process what our unconscious has already processed and decided to do in response. This takes time. To analyse what has occurred (the actuality of what has transpired, not the skewed perception of it through the lens of the Ego) and to fully understand it, subject and object, and the relationship that exists between them - to comprehend all aspects fully.
To do this: repeat consciously what has transpired so you give yourself conscious processing time; acknowledge all components and the relationship between them; discern what is best not solely for you, but for the situation to move away from unnecessary suffering.
Rather than considering what it is you want (‘I want.. eg to help people), consider what is your role in the unfolding of life in this moment away from unnecessary suffering. Ask not what you want, but whether your service is wanted, and if so then how you can serve.