Man? Person.

Yesterday during my meditation I unexpectedly found myself succumbing to the emotions that it invoked. The catharsis and clarity cultivated by a good cry was hugely powerful, and rather empowering. This doesn’t happen to me often (probably in part because I struggle to allow it to), so when it does I know it was very much needed! And for it I feel so much more balanced. (But, if I’m being very honest, maintaining that balance is an ongoing struggle.) I used to consider acknowledging and talking about my emotions as a weakness. I think in part due to society’s attribution of emotions (non-violent ones at least) as a ‘feminine’ quality. But now I realise just how unhealthy THAT is. I don’t want to define myself through labels of male/female, the use of such creating barriers and divisions socially, but also mentally and emotionally. I understand their use to provide ease in a general sense, but I wouldn’t consider myself a ‘typical’ man. For one example, being smaller than average I often find myself having to buy certain ‘women’s’ clothing - shoes/leggings/etc, and have been made to feel strange for doing so in the past, which wasn’t nice, and played with my head. But I'm trying to move beyond this, and now I really just consider myself first and foremost a human being - one who just happens to be ‘male’. Segregation incites disassociation. But we’re not separate - we’re unique expressions of the same thing. You are me and I am you, regardless of arbitrary labels. I think it’s important to remember this - to be able to see oneself in every other person (and non-person).

Meditation - exercise for the mind

All the posts last week on Mental Health Awareness inevitably got me musing over the matter. I think overall health/wellbeing is the combination of mental, physical, and social health. I’d say the body and the mind are different sides of the same coin - they’re the way the conscious self observes, interprets, and navigates itself through life/the universe. A healthy body is one that runs efficiently. Through a focus on the physical I can observe how the body responds and develops in relation to its experiences, and so seek to purify and strengthen it. The same should therefore apply to the mind; thus I also need to be able to do the same for that. It’s only by paying attention to the movements of the mind that I can identify its ‘weaknesses’ and seek to purify and strengthen it to make it run more efficiently. If I’m not taking time to listen to my body and to exercise it then I can’t expect it to be healthy. The same has to be true for the mind – if I’m constantly allowing myself to be distracted by work, Whatsapp, mindless social media scrolling, etc and denying myself the time to listen to the mind then how can I expect it to be healthy? For me I’m finding the best way to do this is through seated meditation. By withdrawing from the distractions of the senses, finding stillness and silence of the body, I can start to listen to the chatter of the mind. However, sometimes I can become lost within it, so I’ve found regular journaling a fantastic tool to keep me grounded in reality. I write a page each morning as the first thing I do after I wake up, and at least once a week I’ll just take a pen to paper and write whatever comes to mind, for however long I feel like writing. With the combination of mental and physical wellbeing I can continually look to become a more aware being of consciousness and love.

Light meets dark - a poem by me

As I sit and watch the dark of night Be lit up by flashes of light I observe a sense of calm in me Despite the raging storm I see The most real moment of my day Not the people, the things they say But instead this time alone Connected with nature, sat like stone Yin in Yang, and inverse Dance together, no coerce Time quells the storm - victory? Balance an illusion, trickery Nothing remains, no thing to witness The world without returns to business Within a change so (un)dramatic Easy overlooked, life distracting, operatic Dawning through clouds to start a-new Simply aware of dark, light, and you